Worry. Most of us do it. Some of us do it… a lot. For such a common practice, there is so little real benefit we can gain from it. Whether you worry as an individual, a professional, or perhaps especially as a leader, the benefits are sketchy at best.
Why Do We Worry?
There are plenty of reasons that people worry, research has even been done to determine the list of reasons. According this research cited nearly a thousand times by other researchers, the list includes:
- We help when we worry. We believe that worry can prevent negative events from happening.
- We reduce our guilt when we worry. At least we are doing something.
- We worry to distract ourselves. If we worry about what we are considering – it keeps us from thinking about an even worse outcome.
- We worry as a form of control. Again, at least we are doing something.
- Worry gets us thinking about the problem. We believe worrying will help us find alternatives and solutions to our what ifs.
I would add a few more based on my conversations and observations (though these aren’t research based as far as I know).
- Worrying shows we care. When I worry about others, and tell them about it, they will know I care about them.
- If we worry, we won’t be surprised by bad things. It is hard to be surprised if you have already thought of all the bad things that could happen.
- Worrying motivates us to act.
- We worry out of habit. We worry because we worry, even if we aren’t sure why.
Are your reasons on this list? If not, why do you worry? (And have you ever even thought about it?)
Is it Really Folly?
The folly of worry is a strong statement. Is it really foolish to worry?
Look back at the list of reasons. How many of them make much logical sense, and how many of them will change the eventual outcome anyway?
My review of the research shows that between 85-92% (depending on the study) of worries, never come true.
So, think about it this way…
You participate in a future thinking activity where you are considering future negative outcomes. Doing this thinking makes you feel bad, raises your stress, and worsens your mood. This activity rarely can change anything and 85% of the time or more, the negative outcomes you are thinking about don’t come true.
Is this an activity that you would choose?
The folly of worry, indeed.
What Can We Replace It With?
I am not a psychologist, I know the ideas here can work, in part because I have used, them, but because I have helped others rethink their worry habit as well. Consider these ideas.
1. Get logical. Worry doesn’t come from logic, so when you notice yourself worrying, ask yourself the logical question – will this worry thinking help change the outcome? If not, shift your thinking.
2. Take action. If you find that your worry is pointing to an action that might reduce the likelihood of something negative happening, take that action (now). Doing something might make things better and will certainly change your mindset.
3. Distract yourself. Since our brains can’t think of two things at once, think of something funny, and for that time you break the cycle of worry.
4. Write it down. Write down all the problems and outcomes your worry is identifying. Having them written will help you look at them differently, perhaps show you how irrational some might be, and may help you determine what action you might take (see #2).
5. Manage your triggers. If there are things in your life that you know trigger you to worry, be more conscious about putting yourself in those situations.
6. Change your language. Being concerned is different than worrying – it allows you to think and perhaps determine what you can do without doing the negative spiral that worry can cause.
7. Pray. If this matches with your beliefs, pray as a way to hand your worries to a higher power. If praying isn’t your custom, meditating may help you let go of some of your worries.
8. Let it go. Many of these ideas are meant to help you let go of the worry. If you can’t change the outcome, even if you don’t love those possibilities, practice letting go of the worry.
If you want to reduce the folly of worry – and the negative impacts it has on your life, try some of the ideas above. Because worry is a habit, you can shift the impact it has on your thoughts and feelings, even if it may take some time.
Doing so will reduce the negative impact worry has in your life.